Many couples who seek marriage counseling have concerns about intimacy. In some cases, their lack of intimacy has lasted for many months or even years and has started to cause a significant rift in the relationship. In other cases, partners have become disconnected from each other, resulting in a sense of deep loneliness and rejection.
The concept of “intimacy” is often associated with physical or sexual contact, but it encompasses much more. It’s a state of emotional connection and deep closeness between people. Shared intimacy between romantic partners means they share a profound closeness and understanding of each other which allows them to interact with empathy and acceptance.
Many couples encounter intimacy issues of some kind throughout their relationship. This is normal and quite common. Intimacy difficulties don’t mean that your relationship is doomed. In fact, most intimacy issues are resolvable, especially with the right professional support. Let’s take a closer look at the 3 main types of intimacy issues and how a marriage retreat can help you resolve them for good.
Emotional
Emotional intimacy is generally defined as a closeness and connection between partners where they feel loved and secure. This safe space allows for deep trust and open communication. When partners have emotional intimacy, they are more open, understanding, and accepting of each other. They feel secure enough in their relationship to be honest, have disagreements and discuss problems without the fear of judgment or rejection.
Emotional intimacy allows your partner to not only see you for who you are, but to see into you and understand your desires, motivations and fears. In order for someone to be able to see into you, you need to be open and share your emotions in a constructive way. This requires being vulnerable, patient and understanding. This is the opposite of withholding or lashing out in anger. Being angry or shutting down emotionally pushes people away. Emotional intimacy, on the other hand, invites someone in.
Physical
Physical intimacy creates connection through touch. It involves physical contact which is safe, consensual and pleasant. Holding hands, cuddling, hugging, and dancing are just some of the many actions which are markers of physical intimacy. The power of touch is often underestimated, but should be a high priority in any relationship. Even a simple gesture like a good night kiss is a significant sign of affection and openness.
It is possible for two people to have physical intimacy without sexual intimacy. For example, a reassuring hug from a friend involves physical closeness which is not sexual. But physical intimacy is an important aspect in romantic relationships, and can promote sexual contact as well. On the other hand, couples who may be struggling with sexual intimacy can sometimes maintain closeness and connection through physical intimacy. Touch can bring warmth, comfort, and reassurance to both partners outside of sexual experiences.
Sexual
Sexual intimacy is erotic in nature, merging both sexual touch and the shared emotional intimacy of both partners. It doesn’t necessarily need to lead to orgasm or involve penetration. It can be an extension of physical and emotional connection. Healthy romantic relationships typically involve sexual intimacy which is mutually satisfying. A lack of sexual contact is usually symptomatic of some other issue, such as poor body image, past trauma, life stress, or health problems. It will be necessary to dig a little deeper to understand the underlying reason behind a loss of sexual closeness.
A couple’s sexual intimacy can vary over time and can look different from one couple to another. There is no formula for what a “normal” degree of sexual intimacy looks like. However, diminished sexual activity or interest can often lead to feelings of hurt and rejection which can put the relationship at risk. It’s important to address issues around sexual intimacy promptly before they escalate into larger problems which arise in a sexless marriage.
How A Marriage Retreat Helps You Resolve Issues With Intimacy
Most couples have all 3 intimacy types to some extent early on in their relationship. Then intimacies begin to erode over the years. The purpose of a marriage retreat is to respark each intimacy and teach you how to maintain them at home so that it’s self-sustaining. You’ll learn the skills necessary to recreate what you’ve learned after the retreat and continue putting these skills into practice.
Couples I’ve counseled are often scared when they lose intimacy, mistakenly thinking they’re no longer compatible. In any long-term relationship, it takes conscious effort to maintain intimacy and stay connected. Stress, children, work, and health problems can all affect relationships. Staying connected requires more effort and prioritization. In this way, rebuilding your connection is less about compatibility and more about learning the process and tools for better intimacy.
It’s worth noting that all 3 intimacies are multi-directional. This means that 1 or 2 types of intimacy could be required in order to feel the 3rd. In this regard, you may be able to improve the overall intimacy in your relationship by making adjustments to one or two specific areas.
A marriage retreat is the fastest way to learn this process and equip yourself with skills for connection and communication. Think of it as warp speed therapy, completed in just a few days. Learn more about the format and benefits of LifeWise marriage retreats by clicking the button below.
