When your partner shows signs that he doesn’t want you sexually, it can leave you sad, rejected, and confused. You may even fear being stuck in a sexless marriage. This is especially difficult to take when other aspects of your relationship seem to be fine. So what’s behind his lack of sexual interest in you and how can you help turn things around?
The good news is that this is a very common problem, especially among long-term couples, and it can usually be repaired with therapy. His lack of desire for you could have more to do with something physical or emotional he’s going through than with you personally. Or he’s responding to an uncomfortable or sensitive situation by pushing you away instead of confronting the issue head-on, which can be very difficult for some couples. Let’s explore the top 3 signs your partner doesn’t want you sexually and what to do about it.
3 Common Signs He Doesn’t Want You Sexually
You probably already sense your spouse is pulling away, but here are the most common signs he’s rejecting you sexually that you should take seriously:
1. A Lack Of Physical Contact And Affection
Not only is there little to no sexual contact, but he’s also avoiding physical contact altogether. There’s no kissing, hugging, holding hands, or snuggling. He may also stop flirting or using terms of endearment toward you. To put it another way, you’ve entered the roommate stage of your marriage.
2. A Lack Of Interest In Spending Time Together
There’s a general disinterest in being alone with you and spending time together doing activities you once enjoyed. He may reject the idea of date nights or your invitations to get coffee or go for a walk together. Or he cancels plans to which he’d already agreed.
3. He Doesn’t Want To Talk About Sex
He avoids the topic of sex at all costs. Moreover, he may not only refuse to discuss intimacy but may become irritable or shut down emotionally.
What’s Behind His Rejection?
There’s a belief in our culture that women are sensitive and emotional and men are stoic and strong. That may be so in some circumstances, but not when it comes to intimacy. When it comes to sex, what we find is that men are far more emotional and sensitive than women. It just comes out in different ways.
According to the sex and marriage therapist, Marty Klein, it’s usually the man who withdraws sexually if over 40. Under 40, it’s often the woman (but not necessarily). It’s not a coincidence that erectile dysfunction (ED) affects nearly 50% of men over 40. If a man is having trouble getting aroused, he can’t hide it and pretend that there isn’t a problem. There’s lots of stigma and complications around ED. In fact, men’s arousal is closely linked to ego and his sense of self and identity.
How Therapy Can Help Rekindle Your Sex Life
Know that you don’t have to be stuck in a sexless marriage for years to come, and therapy can help overcome the obstacles you and your partner are facing. Men can often be sensitive when it comes to sexual performance and can even take well-meaning comments personally or as criticism. When maneuvering around such sensitive topics, it’s helpful to have professional support. An experienced therapist will guide you and your partner through delicate subjects and toward resolutions that work best for you both. Here are 3 relationship challenges therapy can help turn around:
Emotional Connection
Men need more emotional connection than they recognize or will generally admit to. If you two are emotionally disconnected, this will negatively impact your sex life. Physical affection, kind words, and love languages all count as foreplay and are needed to strengthen emotional connection.
Peak Experience
Your peak experience as a couple is when you felt the most connected, close, and sexually energized. If you can identify 3 experiences from your peak years to try and replicate now, you will inch closer to revitalizing your emotional and physical connection.
Positive Sexual Interactions
Interactions in the bedroom should be authentic, positive and fun. Male and female arousal and desire are qualities that can be worked on and improved. If you think your sex life has become boring, explore things that can create new interest and energy. Even things that you once found pleasurable can become boring and predictable. Make an effort to switch things up and try something new for a change.
Finding a renewed sense of passion for each other is doable as long as you and your partner are both motivated to work on the relationship. While it’s possible for you to fix your relationship on your own, therapy can help you get there faster. Here at LifeWise, we’ve counseled hundreds of couples to turn their marriages around. Learn more about our approach by clicking on the button below.
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