Relationships can be wonderful when all is going well, but they can also be filled with so much pain. If your relationship includes poor communication, a lack of trust, emotional withdrawal, resentment or a lack of intimacy, then chances are you’re approaching a breaking point. These signs of an ending relationship need to be addressed and corrected in order for your partner and you to avoid a split.
If left unchecked, the points discussed in this article will lead to the end of your relationship. But, if you make a concerted effort to deal with the underlying issues and behaviors responsible for the friction, you are likely to get yourselves back on track. It may seem unlikely, but even relationships on the brink of a breakup can be pieced back together.
4 Signs From Yourself:
1. Lack Of Sexual Interest In Your Partner
A major indicator that your relationship is in danger is when you’re not interested in your partner sexually. You may prefer porn or engage in sexual experiences with other people as your sexual outlet. Fantasies, masturbation, or desires you have may preclude you from sex with your partner.
It’s worth noting that it’s perfectly normal to fantasize about other people during sex with your partner. This is not an indication that your relationship is in trouble. But if intimacy with your partner has been replaced with intimacy with other people, your relationship could use some repair.
2. Considering Or Engaged In An Affair
If you are considering having an affair, or have already been involved in one, it’s a warning light that your relationship is in trouble. You don’t have to be physically involved with someone outside your relationship in order for it to “count”. Merely considering having an affair is a sign that all is not well. This is less about what counts as cheating and more about where you direct your thoughts and desires.
3. Planning Your Future Without Your Partner
When you think about where you’ll be in one, five, or even ten years, do you envision your partner at your side? If you’re planning your life without them, consider this a significant indicator that your relationship is in need of repair. Try reflecting on why you are leaving your partner out of your future plans. Are you assuming they aren’t interested in the same vision you have? Or would you prefer that they are just not included?
4. Feeling Lonely, Anxious Or Disconnected From Your Partner
When you’re with your spouse, do you find yourself feeling tense, anxious, or angry? Or do you feel lonely, sad and disconnected from them? These feelings may vary day to day or week to week. But if being with your partner stirs up these negative emotions, it’s time to acknowledge that your connection is breaking, or already broken.
3 Signs From Your Partner:
1. Avoiding Quality Time Together Or Not Interested In Sex
Have you noticed that your partner seems uninterested in spending quality time with you? Are they hesitant to commit to date nights, vacations, or visits with your family and friends? Or perhaps your spouse initially agrees to plans and then bails at the last minute? Avoiding spending quality time together, as well as not having an interest in sex, is a sign that your partner is pulling away from you.
2. Lack Of Shared Vision For the Future
It’s a bad sign when your partner doesn’t see you in their plans for the future. This may reflect a broken bond between you two or could mark specific incompatibilities. For example, your partner may want to travel and be a free spirit after the kids have left home but you may want to stay put in one place and work on your hobbies or finally pursue that degree you’ve dreamed about. Many couples share the common goal of raising kids for years, but once that’s done, some are surprised at the highly divergent plans each partner desires during the next phase of their life.
3. Having Different Core Values
If your partner is leaning toward drastically different goals and values, your relationship can be in danger. While it’s common for each partner to have their own life goals and values, there is no problem if there’s enough overlap and mutual respect. But if your partner takes a hard turn and you see that their spirituality, time, and money are spent on radically different priorities than your own, it’s time for an intervention.
Dealing With Signs Of An Ending Relationship
It is possible to get your relationship back on track even if your lives have been growing in different directions. Even if you’ve been considering divorce and think your relationship cannot be saved, you can heal resentment and find that spark again. The key is to have both you and your partner want to repair what’s broken and be willing to make the effort.
Next you’ll need to improve your communication. If you’ve been stuck in a pattern where conflicts arise but are rarely resolved or just plain avoided, it’s a sign that there’s a breakdown. I call this the “lumpy rug” effect, meaning that you have been sweeping issues under the rug and avoiding them for far too long. What would actually help is to lift the rug and deal with “the lumps” once and for all.
Lastly, take steps toward repairing your relationship together one issue at a time. If you want to try to fix it on your own, it can feel empowering and can actually bring you and your partner closer together. Try working on your relationship for 1 month and evaluate your progress. If it hasn’t gotten much better (or become worse), seek professional help from a couples therapist. Whether you choose traditional therapy or an intensive marriage retreat, you will learn the tools and strategies needed to resolve long-standing conflicts and build a path forward together.