The betrayal and anger you feel as the result of your partner’s affair can be overwhelming. But if these thoughts become increasingly intrusive and persistent, it may be time to stop obsessing about your husband’s affair and process your feelings in a healthier, more constructive manner. Although there’s no quick fix to control overpowering emotions, there are some steps you can take to regain some degree of control. This process will take time and patience, but even small steps in the right direction will help you feel stronger and more confident as you tackle difficult feelings and decisions in the aftermath of infidelity.
Understand What Led To Your Husband’s Affair
Affairs Have A Root Cause
Most affairs don’t happen out of the blue. They are usually the result of one partner trying to get their needs met which have not been fulfilled within the marriage for a period of time. So, they get those needs met outside the marriage. The first step in stopping obsessively thinking or speculating about the affair is to understand the root cause of the affair; why your husband felt he needed to go outside the marriage. This can be a painful conversation. It’s essential that both partners can talk through their feelings calmly, respectfully and empathically.
Don’t Blame Or Shame
It is also important to note that this is not an exercise in blaming or shaming. If tempers begin to flare then take a break and return to the conversation when you’ve both regained composure. Keep in mind that both of you are hurting. So, both of you need to approach each other with understanding and compassion no matter how difficult or unfair it may feel.
Fix The Marriage
Once you understand what led to your husband’s affair, you can begin fixing your marriage on your own or with the support of a couples therapist. Many couples struggle with poor communication, emotional disengagement, and mismatched libidos among a slew of other common issues. And most couples can fix these problems as long as both partners are committed to getting their relationship back on track.
Relationship Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder May Be A Factor
If there’s a pattern of relationship obsessive-compulsive disorder (ROCD) symptoms in your present or past relationships, it may be time to address this issue. The biggest pitfall with ROCD is that you become overwhelmed with doubts and questions about your partner and relationship and this ends up hurting the relationship.
ROCD Can Be A Vicious Cycle
If you have ROCD, the trap is to get reassurance from your partner on the state of your relationship rather than relying on your own emotional compass. This actually reinforces ROCD and is counterproductive.
ROCD Can Build Resentment
Another danger is with relying on your partner for support and reassurance about your marriage. ROCD tends to push this reliance to the extreme, which will build resentment and further drive a wedge in the marriage.
Treating ROCD
ROCD itself is not a diagnosable mental disorder but it is a manifestation of the more general obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) which is a treatable mental health issue. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) has been shown to be an effective treatment for OCD.
The most important factor in treating ROCD is your desire to fix it. It is the person with the obsession who needs to be the one to talk themselves out of it.
How To Stop Obsessing About Infidelity
Find The Right Support
It’s OK to tell friends or family you have obsessive thoughts. Those who know and love you most can often provide comfort and good advice. But talking isn’t enough when it comes to obsessing about your husband’s affair. If you’re ready to stop ruminating about infidelity, it’s time to take some action to feel more in control of your thoughts and your relationship. Think about what’s the next step for you or what you need to find a path forward.
Couples Therapy
Don’t share intrusive thoughts too broadly. Acquaintances or individual therapists probably don’t know the full context of your relationship and your background. It’s best to address marriage and relationship issues with a couples therapist.
Biofeedback Diagnostics
Some people have a neurological predisposition toward anxiety and rumination. Brain mapping and neurofeedback can provide you with data on your personal neurology as well as providing a specific set of treatment protocols to address your specific needs. Biofeedback can provide valuable information about how your brain works which can help you address your challenges in a quick and efficient manner.
If you’re interested in learning more about LifeWise services, including brain mapping, neurofeedback, coaching and counseling, contact us for a free consultation. And if you’d like more information about affair recovery, click on the link below.
Learn More About Affair Recovery
