Relationships are hard work, and most couples are never taught how to stay happy during a long marriage. Couples often ask me if there are any secrets or tools they can use, and the answer is YES! That is why I developed LifeWise Couples Therapy, and it has already helped hundreds of couples learn how to build a strong emotional connection, repair from their past hurts, and live a peaceful and happy life together. Let’s review the three relationship pillars and what you can do to improve each one.
If you have not already taken the online relationship quiz, click here to assess each of the pillars and discover where you need to devote your time to improving your marriage.
The Three Pillars of LifeWise Couples Therapy
There are three categories to consider when wanting to improve your marriage or relationship.
This pillar refers to your love, like, and lust for each other as well as your general daily interactions.
One of the best ways to improve your connection is to make sure you are speaking your partners love language. As the name suggests, this can help improve the feeling of love between you two, and the way one person generally shows love is not always how their partner wants to receive it. Additionally, consider sex therapy to improve your lust for each other. Couples often get stuck in patterns of sexual interaction over the years, and spicing up the experience might be just what you both need. Consider sharing one sexual fantasy with each other. You might be surprised with what your partner would enjoy.
Reflection refers to your own emotional intelligence and overall health.
Many couples try to build an emotional connection, but one or both partners lack the vocabulary to describe how they feel or want to feel. If you want to have an emotional connection, you have to share emotions with each other. This can be difficult especially for those who have childhood trauma or other past experiences of strong unpleasant emotions. Start small. Talk about something that made you smile today. You can eventually build up to discussing deeper emotions as you feel more safe and confident.
The final pillar concerns redirection which is your ability to co-regulate with each other and share a common vision of your future.
This is the most difficult pillar to fix because it involves coaching each other and helping the other person to emotionally regulate themselves. The first step to working on redirection is to focus on the other two pillars. Work on your communication and emotional intelligence first. Once those have improved, share with your partner one way that they help you calm down when you are emotional or stressed. Use peak experiences to figure out the formula and replicate it. What has helped you in the past, and how can you duplicate that experience again?
Relationships can be very complicated, and sometimes what works one day might not work the next time you try it. Keep an open dialogue with your partner so you can adjust and adapt your approach as needed. If you decide that it’s time for professional help, please reach out to explore couples therapy. I wish you and your partner the best of luck on your journey to a happy and peaceful relationship!