One of the most common issues I hear from women during therapy sessions is, “My husband doesn’t respect me.” Their perceived lack of respect leads to resentment, bitterness, and often a deep sense of loneliness. A healthy marriage is built in part on love, trust, and respect. However, feeling that your husband doesn’t respect you doesn’t necessarily mean your marriage is over. Think of it more like a warning light which indicates your relationship is due for a tune-up. Let’s take a closer look at how to address issues around respect and strengthen your marriage.
7 Common Subtypes Of Disrespect
Respect means different things to different people. So the first step is to understand exactly what you mean when you say, “my husband doesn’t respect me.” How does this manifest through his words and actions? What specifically makes you feel disrespected?
Take a look at these common subtypes to see which of these rings true for you:
- He lies to me (or gaslights me)
- He doesn’t listen to me
- He doesn’t spend quality time with me
- He cheats on me or cheated on me in the past
- He doesn’t help enough at home or doesn’t appreciate my effort
- He is sexually demeaning or selfish
- He is mean to me
Once you can define the type of disrespect you’re struggling with, you can begin working on a solution with your husband.
How To Talk About Respect With Your Husband
The best way to correct disrespectful behavior is to have an open heart-to-heart conversation with your partner. It must be constructive rather than attacking or defensive. Find a quiet time to speak with him when you both feel ready and focused. This will give you the best chance for a productive discussion. Here’s an example of a way to begin your conversation:
“I’d like to talk about our marriage. Lately, I’ve been feeling hurt when we interact, and I want to find a way to feel more appreciated.”
Don’t dwell on hurt feelings or list all the ways in which your husband has hurt you. State your feelings and observations clearly and shift the conversation toward finding a solution. Work together on this as partners and try to avoid getting bogged down by negativity. Healing resentment in your relationship is one of the most effective ways of building a stronger marriage and avoiding divorce.
Case Study: Jane And Vincent Address Disrespect
Jane brought her husband Vincent for counseling to address his disrespectful attitude toward her. Together, they run a small family restaurant and therefore spend all day together, both at work and at home. Although they are both partners in their business, Jane didn’t feel that she had a well-defined role. They were both managing whatever problems came up and didn’t have clear roles and responsibilities.
Jane felt she needed more help and support from her husband. Whenever she’d vent to her husband about her frustrations, Vincent would just send her articles and advice about running a restaurant instead of talking about it. He thought he was helping but she felt he was being dismissive and disrespectful. Moreover, Jane felt all the time Vincent spent researching solutions kept him from helping her with the kids or spending more time together. Her frustration and overwhelm grew and he didn’t realize he wasn’t giving her the kind of help she needed.
Once Jane found the words to articulate her feelings and the type of support needed, Vincent was able to make some adjustments. He took the time to listen to Jane with empathy and worked with her on defining their roles in the business. By improving their communication skills, they strengthened their relationship both at home and at work.
Couples Counseling Can Help
There’s an old adage: Hurt people hurt people. Sometimes when we feel angry or frustrated, we take it out on other people, usually ones who are closest to us. Disrespectful behavior usually stems from pain or vulnerability. That’s a human response and protective mechanism. Unfortunately, it generally causes harm in romantic relationships.
Couples counseling is often the most effective way for partners to address problematic behaviors and learn healthier ways to communicate. Most couples are not taught how to resolve conflicts in marriage. It’s a skill that requires consistent practice, and couples counseling can often help.
Respect is essential in marriage, but even if you feel it’s lacking, it doesn’t mean your marriage is over. Dealing with disrespectful behavior can be tricky without the right support. A professionally trained third party can facilitate these sensitive conversations more effectively. LifeWise has helps couples become better communicators and find their way back to solid, mutually respectful relationships. Even couples teetering on the brink of divorce can reclaim their relationship. Learn more about how LifeWise can help by clicking on the button below.
