Are you feeling disconnected from your partner or spouse? Do you spend more time looking at screens than the faces of your loved ones? As the use of technology rises in our world, this is becoming an increasing problem. Even couples or other people who are in close proximity to each other can want more of a connection with their spouse or family, and that connection can be achieved in many different ways. There is now even evidence in neuroscience that we love our phones as much as we love our partner. Consider the following 3 tips to improve the love and connection as a couple or with others in your life:
Consider the following 3 ways to connect with your spouse and rebuild intimacy:
- Touch your partner or a loved one before any technology every day
- Focus on the person instead of technology when communicating with people
- Learn how to speak their love language and identify your own
1. Touch your partner or a loved one before any technology every day
Many couples talk about needing to find more time to connect with each other, and yet they spend prime minutes (or longer) every morning engaged with technology before even saying good morning to each other. Connecting with your partner every morning is an important way to enhance intimacy and connection. It also helps balance your nervous system as using technology within the first hour of waking can cause emotional stress through the rest of your day.
2. Focus on the person instead of technology when communicating
Have you ever had a conversation with someone while they were checking their social media? Did it make you feel unimportant? Dismissed? At the very least, not fully listening to someone can lead to misinterpreting what was said, and trying to multitask we also know harms our brains ability to focus in general. When you are speaking with ANYONE, I recommend focusing on the person in order to create a strong connection and also improve the chances that both people feel accurately heard.
3. Learn how to speak their love language and identify your own
There are many ways to express love. If you were ever told by a partner that they did not feel loved by you, it might not have been due to lack of trying. You might have been speaking different languages. Researchers have identified 5 Love Languages (physical touch, quality time, gift giving/receiving, words of affirmation, and acts of service), and most partners do not “speak” the same love language. This means that if you like hearing “I love you” (which is words of affirmation) you might generally communicate love verbally to you partner. However, if they prefer sitting on the deck and talking about life (quality time) then you are not speaking their language, and they will not feel as loved.
Technology has crept into our lives over the past few decades to become a pillar of home and work life. If we can see these machines as tools and use them accordingly, then we can focus our attention and love to the people that truly matter in our lives. If you want to build a stronger connection with your partner, consider a couple’s retreat for your marriage or relationship. I’m here to help any way that I can.