It’s difficult to maintain the same degree of sexual desire as you had at the start of your relationship throughout your marriage. If you’re in a lull and have no desire for your husband, know that this is both normal and manageable. Desire and intimacy will fluctuate in any long-term relationship.
Decreased desire is most often affected by stress, hormonal changes, and emotional factors. You may need to do some digging to understand the reasons behind the physical disconnection. But whatever the reason, in most cases, it is possible to revive both physical and emotional intimacy by employing a few helpful relationship boosters.
Self-Care
In order to feel desire, you first need to feel good yourself. Self-care should be a priority, even though it can become an afterthought for many women who are juggling so much in their daily lives. Consider the factors which may be contributing to your lack of desire for your husband and how you can revive your sexless marriage. Sleep hygiene, stress relief, diet and exercise are all part of self-care. They are important for your overall health. When you look and feel good, desire will follow.
Emotional and Physical Connection
Desire and intimacy require an emotional and physical connection with your partner. Good communication and shared experiences are part of the equation. There is also a strong emotional component to passion. It’s tough to feel sexy if you’re constantly arguing with your partner. Or when your busy schedules leave too little time for each other.
When you set aside adequate time to be together and set the right mood and tone, you can do wonders for fostering desire. There are many small but meaningful ways to connect. Sharing a laugh, cooking a meal together, or dancing to a favorite song are easy ways to start rebuilding a connection.
Dedicated Time Together
Most couples spend a lot of time doing things together at the beginning of their relationship. Over the years, time together can get replaced by countless daily demands. That’s why it’s essential to carve out dedicated time for you and your spouse to be together without interruptions or competing priorities. A few hours of alone time each week will allow you to slow down, reconnect, and tend to your relationship.
Schedule your time together rather than leave it on your to-do list. Better still, set up a routine and take the guesswork out of the equation. Regular date nights with your spouse, weekend trips and vacations do wonders for building and maintaining strong, healthy relationships.
Peak Experience
Think back to a time when you felt desire for your husband. What were the circumstances that fed your passion? How can you recreate those experiences or feelings in your current life? If you once enjoyed seeing live music together but can no longer go out because you have young children, you could still listen to music together or introduce each other to artists you’ve discovered. It may not be the same experience, but the idea is to find a new approach to reignite that spark. Adapting peak experiences from your past can lead you to explore new experiences as you continue your journey as a couple.
Fantasy
Over time, sex appeal wanes in just about any long-term relationship. Sex can become predictable and boring, but incorporating fantasy can keep things fresh and interesting. Role play, dress-up, and new sexual experiences can spice up your marriage. Even getting dressed up for a special evening out on the town provides an element of newness and excitement. Explore your fantasies and desires with your spouse and enjoy the process of discovery.
Medical Intervention
It’s possible that there is a physiological reason behind your decreased sex drive. Changes in hormone levels (especially during menopause) and medication changes can negatively impact libido, as well as mood and energy levels. Seek guidance from your primary care physician or functional medicine doctor to rule out causes and to determine whether a medical intervention could help.
Couples Counseling Can Help Your Lack Of Desire
Working with a trained couples therapist can identify barriers to intimacy in your relationship. In addition to guiding you through sensitive topics or difficult conversations, a counselor can help pinpoint the underlying causes of friction or disconnection.
Choosing to work with a therapist is an investment in your relationship and in each other. Even if you currently feel no desire for your husband, there is a chance to respark the passion you used to have or create an entirely new sense of attraction and connection. A lack of desire is not the end of a marriage. It is simply a sign that the relationship has drifted off-course and could benefit from a little extra support to get back on track.
